This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
