She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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