rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Your topless pictures make me question reality
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
