you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
