How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
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