I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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