I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
