Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
