Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize