when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
