Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
