remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
