He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
