Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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