Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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