You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Pooping to opera.
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