none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
please come you make the beer taste better
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
my god I love twenty year old dicks
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize