You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I think people are normalizing furries
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
