Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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