Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
