You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
