I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I just found puke in my bra..
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
