Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
