nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize