Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
