It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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