her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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