Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Randomize
