bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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