I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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