The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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