I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
There are leaves in my underwear?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I have post one night stand depression
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
