I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Randomize
