Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
the liver wants what the liver wants
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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