bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
