My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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