Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
