Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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