i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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