Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
