Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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