You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
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