Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
