dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize