hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
