onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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