ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
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