peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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