First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
That reminds me...we need to get swords
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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