I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
