actually, I'm a sock model
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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