OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Enjoy the penises
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
