You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
