3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
you would pick up someone in the library
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
That accounts for only three of the penises
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
