Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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