Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
