At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize