My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
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