I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Randomize
