Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Randomize
