im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
