Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
