how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
