shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
