my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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