Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Randomize