hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Randomize